Pat The Dog

http://www.if theworldouldvote.com

Aries

 

Did you ever think that maybe there’s more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking?

 

Taurus

 

You got a lot of gifts, but hanging a Louie just isn’t one of them

 

Gemini

 

Times have changed. You wouldn’t last one day down those coal pits.

Cancer

Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately

 

Leo

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty

 

Virgo

With a push-up bra, you could have a nice rack of lamb going on there.

Libra

Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte’

Scorpio

Just because you have chiseled abs and stunning features it doesn’t mean that you can’t die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

 

Sagittarius

Prime minister of Malaysia bad! Martial arts good! Kill naughty man! Obey my dog!

Capricorn

I have a pre-runway party to attend, if you’ll excuse me.

 

Aquarius

Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes

 

Pisces

 

See, this is exactly what you models do to people.

Aries

 

Don’t toot your horn, honey. You’re not that good

 

Taurus

 

You do it now before it’s too late.

 

Gemini

Dig a hole in the yard, bury it, and forget about it.

 

 Cancer

Do Something. Be A Nurse. Work with blind kids, lepers. That kind of thing.

 

Leo

Come on. Look at your face. It’s all dirty.

 

Virgo

I want you to stay down here for a while. Run things for me.

 

Libra

You like the ladies more than the money. That’s your problem

 

Scorpio

You know I eat octopus three times a day?

Sagittarius

You don’t have the guts to be what you want to be.

Capricorn

Say hello to my little friend

 

Aquarius

You think you kill me with bullets? I take your bullets. Go ahead

Pisces

 

You’re missing the sights. That’s what you’re doing.

 

Aries

 

You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power.

 

Taurus

 

Aren’t you afraid the Empire’s going to find out about this little operation and shut you down?

 

Gemini

You know, that ship saved my life quite a few times. She’s the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.

Cancer

The cave. Remember your failure at the cave!

 

Leo

Through the Force, things you will see.

 

Virgo

You are beaten. It is useless to resist.

Libra

This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the dark side of the Force.

Scorpio

Decide you must how to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could.

Sagittarius

Oh, what a mess. Chewie, do you think you can repair him?

Capricorn

If you choose the quick and easy path, as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil.

 

Aquarius

That’s always been a danger looming like a shadow over everything we’ve built here.

Pisces

 

Prepare the boarding party and set for your weapons for stun.